Family · grief · motivating

I’m a fixer

IMG_5485This week for some reason has been so tough for me. I’ve been so grumpy. Like I just couldn’t shake it. It went on ALL. WEEK. LONG…. I think mostly there aren’t bad days but bad moods. This was true for me this time. I had to work seven days in a row this week plus other personal life things going on which I think made me mentally and physically exhausted. I hate being in a bad mood too. I get so annoyed with myself for being in a bad mood which makes it even worse. Usually I try to find the good in my day and situations and find a bright spot about it. I have so many blessings in my life and I should find something to be happy about.

This time though I was just not able to pull myself out of it. My sister advised me though to just let myself feel the bad mood. I think she was right. I had to just let myself be grouchy and grumpy a little so that I’m not bottling it up all the time. This made me start to think about others in difficulty situations and how they may process things. I have to say over the past year my thoughts of this topic has changed a lot.

I’ve always been a fixer, a fixer of things broken and maybe not so broken things but I thought I could make them better, ha! I bet you know someone like that, it may even be you. I didn’t understand how some people couldn’t see the problem and fix it. Especially if it was something they said they wanted to fix. I still struggle with that one sometimes.

I am changing my way of “fixing” things though. I thought in order to get better it was ‘the sooner the better’. I don’t feel that way now about everything. I should say this is all stuff I’ve learned from personal situations and I am not a professional by any meals. But here are my thoughts;

  1. Give yourself time to process your emotions and thoughts. This is so important and healthy. Whether someone has done something to hurt you, you’ve done something you shouldn’t have or something major has happened you, you have to go through the process. And it’s all about your own personal experience and timeline. You cannot judge your situation on what someone else did or felt. What was right for one isn’t right for another. My personal and unprofessional opinion about this is people are afraid to move on because if they aren’t sad then they may forget what happened. I don’t think that’s true but it doesn’t make those feelings go away. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. You can be happy again, it may look differently than before, if you really want to be. I think this is were the next point comes in.
  2. Have someone to fall apart with. When going through something completely alone and isolated isn’t healthy in my opinion. I don’t think people should be out telling everyone everything that’s going on in their situation. I do think having a strong person or even group of people to confide in is so importance to process what your thinking or feeling. They can be friends, family, or a professional. If your anything like me you hate when you yourself doesn’t feel like your able to manage your emotions but sometimes you shouldn’t have to. Sometimes being able to break is just what you need. Use that support system. There is a time to be poised but not all the time. Things break if they are under too much pressure, remember that.
  3. If you are the support system try to remember these things. That person going through a tough time probably want to feel better but do not know how. Be there for them by listening when they are hurting, hold them when they cry, and comfort them when they need it. When the time is right you can help motivate them but do not push it.  That person may be sad, lonely, or scared. We fixer have to learn to dial that back when trying to help others sometimes. Being motivated is a good thing but I think we have to learn how to utilize that wisely. We have to understand when someone needs tough love or if they just need someone to talk to. My mom, sister, and I call this venting to each other. Sometimes that’s all you need to do. Just vent about whats bothering you, whether your right or wrong, just to say it and get it out of you. That’s what my sister helped me do this week. And sometimes you need to be honest with someone about what you see, but only if they are ready for that. Remember this; being honest doesn’t mean being rude. I’ve always been afraid to tell people what I really thought because I didn’t want to be mean or rude. I am learning how to be honestly in a loving way and I am so thankful for that. I feel like this is one of my best qualities and I look for that in people.

Thank God my tough week was only from an over worked schedule this time. But it reminded me of a time when I was going through a very tough situation in my life and how I felt about it. I pray that people can understand and accept when someone is hurting it isn’t because they want to feel sad and in order to be a help to someone sometimes that doesn’t require anything more than being there. You don’t have to know all the answers. Truthfully I don’t think there are any right answers. I’m thankful I am learning this as I go so that in all situations I can be a better “fixer”.

3 thoughts on “I’m a fixer

  1. A wise man once told me, if you have a heart beat remember it goes up and down when viewed from a heart beat machine. What it signifies is, life is also the same. There are ups and downs. Without the ups and downs there is no life or meaning to it. You went through this week so you were able to have a experience to blog it down. That’s the beauty of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I want you to know that venting is usually 100% helpful for me and you (and mom) are my most favorite to vent to! Also, I admire your “fixer” attitude and have been reaping the benefits literally my whole life.

    Liked by 1 person

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