This week and especially this weekend I’ve witnessed a whole new stage my son is going through. The tantrums. And while he’s only 15 months he’s started this newest phase with gusto. He will be fine one second and the next is so upset he’s in the floor freaking out. I know it’s mostly because he’s flexing his independence and trying to do more, which I’m all for. I like how independent he is truthfully. And I also know it has something to do with how he’s wanting to communicate but hasn’t gotten that down fully. It’s hard when you want or need something and no one seems to understand.
I’ve found myself there many times before. Trying to communicate with someone but they just don’t seem to get me. My natural reaction differs depending on who I am dealing with. Those that I don’t know well I can keep my cool and deal with the miscommunication with little issues. But those that are closest to me can be a little harder. One night I was discussing with some friends these findings. I had to admit that my husband knows well how to push my buttons. I think when you’ve been with someone for a while it can be that way, sometimes intentionally and sometimes by accident.
But it’s not always his fault either. I sometimes set unrealistic expectations up for someone and then become upset when they aren’t fulfilling them. This is ALL my fault. If I have expectations that I haven’t shared with someone or they aren’t agreeable to them then I’m only setting myself up for disappointment. I feel like this was a major problem for me. I’ve gotten better at it but still struggle with it.
Another way I’m trying to work on communication is by observing how others communicate with me. I’m learning over the years that in order to understand someone you have to really listen to what they are saying and then remember it. Sometimes I am hearing but not listening to what someone is saying. I cannot discuss an issue with someone if I don’t know what they’ve said or how they feel. How many bad situations and hurt feelings could have been avoiding if I would have just listened a little more.
I found myself so many times this weekend saying “no” or some version of that. There was a lot of redirecting involved as well. I’d like to say it was effective every time but that wouldn’t be exactly true. I know my son is young and this is just a stage. I’m just trying to enjoy it really because he’s growing up so fast. One day before I know it he’ll be old enough to talk to me. I’ll be back in this same situation where we aren’t understanding each other and I hope to use theses skills I’m learning today to be a better mom then.