As some you may already know, I started a new job a few months back. This has genuinely been the most difficult transition I’ve ever dealt with. It’s not the job itself that’s so hard, it’s how it’s challenged every part of my life. I NEVER expected that. Most of the major, no wait all of the major changes in my life have come with a warning and some prep time before actually happening. I truly believe this was a move from God because everything happened so unified and unflawed.
Something I struggle with self confidence and self doubt. So many of us struggle with this. For one or even many reasons we feel like we aren’t good enough. Maybe someone made us feel that way or we just took this on naturally ourselves. When I started this new job I had some self doubt just as most people do. Gradually though we begin to feel like we’re getting a better handle on things. This time though I felt like I was doing worse and not getting any better. I felt like I was drowning at times.This was beginning to bleed into other parts of my life. I was beginning to think that I was a bad mom and wife. That of course affected what type of mom and wife I was actually being. I’m sure you’ve been there, you start thinking about something and it just can spiral into who knows where. Our mind is a powerful thing. Even if anyone tires to tell me how well I am doing I don’t take compliments well because I don’t believe them.
This time however, I started to consider not the reassurance from others that I was being good or doing well but from what I feel like God says about me. This has been a major element in my life right now. I feel like I am working towards seeing myself through Gods eyes rather than others or even myself.So often I want others to see me how I see me but when they don’t it hurts. I would become defensive or I wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t act a certain way to please people. The problem I was running into was hinging my happiness on others around me. If someone seemed pleased with me then I was pleased with me but if someone was upset with me about something then I was upset with me about it as well. It didn’t matter if it was true or not. I was giving my power of happiness away. This doesn’t dismiss the fact that I am wrong a times or that I can lose my cool. I think it’s importance to feel what another persons is feeling so you may empathies or sympathies with them. This make for better communication and understanding one another.
Seeking and accepting myself the way God sees me has changed my perspective a lot for my own happiness. Rather than allowing another persons emotions or thoughts to rule my mood I decided to be owner of my own mood and joy. I am a people please and I believe as a wife and mother it is my role to set the tone for my family. So what does that say about my family if I am thinking bad about myself. I need to think about myself like I would want my husband to think about our family. I need to think about myself how I want my son to think about himself and others. So when it comes to my self esteem and self confidence I am still struggling, I think I always will. I know I am not perfect and never ever will be but I know God made me how He wanted me, how He sees me. Now when I begin to feel the self doubt creep in I remind myself Whose I am.
And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you. Galatians 3:29